ynnydiary

  A Hurt Heart is A Well sorries left unspoken speak sorrow into me rotting apologies seep until I’m drinking them as tears tip into teeth salt stings rotten, forgotten wounds I found I forgot why I weep I keep a mess of a well of unaddressed hurts in my chest the water does not leave until I stop my seething and stop to start heaving a heavy heart filled to the brim with emotion buried deep within my heart drops again and again until teardrops swell and tell on me there is so much residing residuals biding their time til they are dealt a lucky draw drawn they depart

  hearing how I should be from invisible voices of those who surround me bodies speak visible language  tone, word choice faces made the way we trade  glances scare me into submission I feel everything everywhere yells conform to me comfortability in conformity because then I no longer long to belong

as I do my dishes I weep for the soap and plastics seeping down my sink my tears are not enough to cleanse the water I've ruined

Loving you I buy a lotion I'll wear to see you it's alcohol based I choose smell over saturating my skin use it all summer fuck a few times in winter in fall I use sparingly reminded of the seconds we used our senses why do I doubt you use yours grow ever embarrassed that maybe you do sense me when you see me I hate that you see me I shaved my legs til they were skin there's blood on the bed they bled on the bed the legs I do not know your opinion on I try to hold onto the bottle for long longingly I lather too long nothing matters it expires I'm wasteful I love pink plastic labeled pure peace to buy it again is to bring you into my life more than two scars from shaving done it so many times for you you always behave the same should I wait and save you saved the pictures of me putting on my lotion you're not the person who massages me you're not moisturizing you smell good

 Loving a man is to forgive incompetency you cannot put into words