ynnydiary

  i sit and stare at repeated faces and glances at me i cannot compare  theres two of us is there two of us? there’s no space for i sit and stare at repeated faces  oh i can’t get past this  cast it on back still this  put a reflection  solid, you can stand on this you can stand on it and still don’t get it so i sit and stare  when i’ll meet when will i meet? a face to compare  and sit next to me let me be there  and we can just breathe  breathe the same air  but don’t take all of me out of the room all of me i still don’t get it  you don’t get me

  watching the clock spin as we all spin and we all spend  our time in  our timing come find it confinement  and i  i’ve come to know i cannot grow past this passed that all i have is imagine no past tense imagined  by you your truth it burns a hole in me never to be free never to be free it all came and went before me all set in stone was formed for    before me before me  clock on the wall numbers go on numbers go all before me so long soon to never be gone belong nowhere there’s no where  to be  oh to be free is the wall that watches 

  you know the sound of no limitation   i hate the feel of your persuasion  yea your presence is perfection i always fall for your temptation  stuck here contemplating  i always fall for your temptation  perfect persuading  words fall off your mouth  for a conned consumption  consummate one mistake with me i want to be where your truth  some times lies through your teeth they pass how will they ever last lick and love them all the same i just love the taste of your truth make your mouth one with mine i want to be where your truth sometimes lies

  i love the press of a lip to another  to anothers lips a twist  a gathering  of a kiss 

 ……. i climb a rotting withering vine  to heaven  as i ascend  it breaks and the top falls over steady and sturdy  i do not know the unreachable ceiling so tall all has fallen  and I know naught of the break  I will never reach Yet

  tired of hearing when i talk  towards you i have a block i don’t know what to say anymore  nothing matters  but i’m not depressed i just feel alone with what i own in my chest my heart hears all and it knows a lonely call there’s nothing i’m meant to do but love the sky’s truthful hues tired of hearing    when i talk because there’s nothing when i walk in my mind anymore  im confined if truths a door it locked behind me  are the things  that once were comforting converting told of love and life to achieve  that’s not me but now my mind is  spiraling an upwards progress towards nothing i have nothing   tired of hearing when i talk i have nothing to say wish things would be a different way today i know the truth tomorrow maybe so will you  so i stay and pray it’ll all be okay or at least i have changed enough of this life

  im not a bug on the concrete  you don’t miss me with your soft feat of avoiding me it’s inevitable destroying small things  we are small things  small things smaller than can be my mind grows bigger and my heart shrinks  tired of knowing concrete  and what it means  to me we are small  small things  to me we are all all things  can be bigger than me i’m not a bug  on the concrete  you don’t miss me your small thing me, poor me lonely little small thing

  if you can only see people where your face is found then you don’t look for people at all 

  and i would be the bridge   for you to walk to me over me you have a hold of me is the edge of my self  cold to grasp don’t tell and    i won’t ask i feel like i’m a bridge sitting at the edge of me waiting for you  step my way  and not complain  i won’t walk to you  i don’t talk to you but i tell oh i say  the truth is i lay myself at your feet everyday and wait  for you  to walk over me to walk over me is all you do so why don’t you choose to finally reach out  and meet me you can’t then sense me under your feet the truth is i lay  everyday and wait  for you

 gleaming faces stand before places I attempt to purge  of the impure they reflect all I wish to release until I believe there is no way to please them I walk through the doors they pretend not to be and begin to see What is really in front of me?

  my tongue is too heavy i cannot hold it up waiting for truth weighted with lies i have not given the source of myself  even a second to express or surprise   i have dismissed and diminished  the best part of my person my tongue is too heavy  i can’t press it in the right position  i listened too long  and now a scale sits  in my heads home i know the depth of my diction and how any revealing of the mind in my mouth  would kill everything around me with certain conviction  perfection is poison and i will not hold you to it like i hold my own  my mouth is so full  because without fulfillment  my articulation grows to despise  and see through all you meant every single thing you surmise  about the world  you are clueless  and i cannot wait to bite your tongue and be done with you god please give me the courage to see this through i wish to speak only blue through this

  i feel a soft snowing in wanting heart with a wind drifts in      a promise of your return walks in too      towards my existence in an entranced dance a performance pricks this air      steps on the tiles of the gusts dancing diagonally and dipping deeper down cutting through cool molecules and pushing promise along the ground      a commitment was committed in the air i can tell from the dancing swells and stirring as well

your want to pin my pressure is a will to waltz on walls with me will i let you i don't know pressure me a response has how many meanings pressured me contains so much does that sound right an unstable makeup of matters is always charging at me rather in me what type of charge are you or will be definition one or two take one take me in a limiting way you'd pay to charge me i cannot be definite i am pretty sure positivity cannot plead me to be pleased transmute two repelling forces pull us together creating tension and force enforcing forcing me to face you and make me want the worst is a will to place pressure on walls with me

i am only mad with abuse labor is sweet honey i pour over my fruits intending to be intensive reflective pensive ripping at roots guesses are guests pinned to the pressure of my existence i am a constant churning turning and wording tuning and turning toning my longing turning all my actions into tangible things which longing is not or it is just the want isn’t there yet wanting to know where things are before fruition and before i forget

if my face hangs hateful to you, the hue of my heart shines through skin to radiate thin lines of life pulled around by pressure within is privilege found in experience to love is my god granted right that i cannot means meant to fight off all pricking and sucking on siphoning within to physically be, in this night an alarming dark is to know love grew before bones did and ribs rotting teaches a set lesson predestined down back up in darkness of time if my face feels hateful to you truth will touch my throat thanking all the homes i reside in giving me strength empowering through glowering glances and trances trust put people in cryptic when your heads my hearth and i lay my births before the warmth the heat lined through   passes on me might try to cast me and mine out your mind but a doubt can invite me or you can if you’d like to call your voice to me that think me on through then often as you impose what you may on me to invade your security through indirection to do this...

falling asleep his breath comforts finds home in me after years of feeling disgusting his touch means much to me his warmth holds me gently the love is laid i reach for him as he leaves from the bed for the bath room and i hope this is the farthest he ever leaves there is a further type of leaving that is not physical distance if we ever reach that dissonance i mourn that kiss

  A Hurt Heart is A Well sorries left unspoken speak sorrow into me rotting apologies seep until I’m drinking them as tears tip into teeth salt stings rotten, forgotten wounds I found I forgot why I weep I keep a mess of a well of unaddressed hurts in my chest the water does not leave until I stop my seething and stop to start heaving a heavy heart filled to the brim with emotion buried deep within my heart drops again and again until teardrops swell and tell on me there is so much residing residuals biding their time til they are dealt a lucky draw drawn they depart

  hearing how I should be from invisible voices of those who surround me bodies speak visible language  tone, word choice faces made the way we trade  glances scare me into submission I feel everything everywhere yells conform to me comfortability in conformity because then I no longer long to belong